Crying

From time to time, I enjoy a classic movie that moves me to the point of providing appreciative tears. It appears I am not the only one. Although it is one of the least talked about subjects in mental health, but why? Emotional crying is one of three types of tears our eyes produce. The second reason for producing tears is to help our eyes maintain moisture, with the third cause for crying being a natural response to clearing any irritants from our eyes. The last two options do not seem to provide any stigma, but crying for the purposes of releasing stress from the body through our emotions seems to bring feelings of concern from others. 

Is this subject worth looking at from an alternative point of view? Is there room to consider another side to emotional crying? Firstly, it is a natural response which covers multiple emotions. If we think about a baby crying during its first six months. The baby is alerting us to the fact that help is needed for the purposes of feeding, being winded, changed or to rest. Babies are not able to express themselves fully at this point, but it is a method to give their caregiver the heads up that something is required to maintain their health. In this example crying is used to rally in some assistance. So, is it not a possibility for children and adults to consider this option also? Can it be a way for close family members to become aware that one member is going through a confusing or tricky time?  

It is suggested crying is a good pain reliever, and as already mentioned a reducer of built up stress, which often remains within us if untreated. It can be a form of self-soothing. This is a shared therapeutic approach which can be provided to people to ease their minds and bodies when they are upset, muddled up and/or stressed about what is currently happening to them. It is mostly used when people are alone. Sometimes we cannot always obtain company due to the circumstances we are in. This may be due to where we are located, for example on holiday without family members, or working away from home. These are just some examples of when self-soothing can be used. Creating an individual safe environment for chilling by oneself is one consideration when self-soothing.   

When tears have been shed, it often enhances our mood. This is due to our emotions being reset, or we feel calmer, or our distress is naturally depleted. Oxytocin and Endorphins (feel good hormones) are produced whilst crying which quite often make us feel better for doing so. Although it has to be mentioned, as individuals we are all unique in what works on a personal basis. If crying is something you find very unnatural to you, it is advisable not to force crying upon yourself. This may increase stress, rather than dissolve it.   

Returning back to the baby example for a moment. Have you heard of the phrase ‘the first cry out of the womb from a baby is a welcome cry’? Midwives can validate that the first cry clears a baby’s lungs, mouth, nose, and airways. It is the first time a baby takes in the world using its own breath. Does this suggest some positivity from crying for both girls and boys?  

After crying, we can often feel weary, and our bodies identify sleep may not be far away. This is especially so for the young but can be a consideration for anyone. As our stress reduces, our nervous system begins to relax, and sleeping may follow. In some parenting guidance, it is suggested it is not harmful to allow babies to try out some ‘controlled crying’ to encourage a recognised bedtime routine. Again, this is an individual choice suggested to parents and not always suitable to all families.   

Often during the confusion of upset, we cannot put into words the emotions that we are currently feeling. We may feel overwhelmed, or feel multiple feelings all at the same time, teens often experience this. With this in mind, we can feel scared, happy, and bewildered all at the same time. If we are not around others that express their feelings openly, perhaps we have not been able to learn how to explain what is happening through talking. Perhaps we just do not have the energy to put into words what we are feeling and crying is a proactive and often quick response.  

It is suggested both males and females take part in crying from time to time. The teens example is one well documented instance where words do not often cover the range of emotions felt instantly and all together. In counselling, clients have often held in their personal stress not only from themselves, but from others for so long it just happens. In the counselling environment we provide a secure place where crying is acceptable regardless of anyone’s particular situation. Counsellors can often gage the appropriate reaction to an individual’s crying. For some people they just need to know it is okay to do so, and they will not be judged in any way. For others, a few encouraging words help to ease the situation, in turn reducing any embarrassment for them.  

If crying becomes too regular and you cannot stop crying when taking part in everyday life activities. This may be an indication that professional aid may be required. Try talking to a trusted family member, a friend, or a work colleague about crying and how often it is occurring in preparation for considering help. There are always exceptions to the rule, if you are suffering from a relationship loss or a bereavement, it will happen more often to start off with. This can be part of the healing process. It may be wise to consider these factors first and keep a crying record for a few weeks to pinpoint if your crying is reducing over time. 

Lastly to finish in the same fashion as we started. An enjoyable tearjerker can be rewarding when feeling out of sorts. We can become more self-aware of what upsets us and why. In my case, it allows me to reset in a safe environment. It has informed me of extremely rewarding moments, as well as some frustrating parenting instances. After all we are all human! 

Thanks for reading, by Tammie Martin (Solaris Counselling).